Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
