Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
