4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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