My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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