ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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