the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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