Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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