He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
