Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like death gave me a hand job
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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