hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize