then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
