Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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