I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
