I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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