Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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