dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
