I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
