Duck Duck Cougar?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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