mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
