No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
