i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
