You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
