After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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