my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
