Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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