I hope mine doesn't look like that
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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