I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We left an ass print on the piano.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
