I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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