New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
