Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
