Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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