nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize