Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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