This girl is more easily done than said...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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