cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
