it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Terrible idea I love it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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