At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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