i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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