you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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