Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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