I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
