You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
