Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
