He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
