I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize