She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
