I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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