just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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