woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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