Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize