Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We need to rekindle our bromance
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
