worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
