He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
