I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
