My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
