I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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