Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
