Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
