I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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