I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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