um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
