Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
