mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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