having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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