We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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