My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
