Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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